Bell's Palsy
I just updated my Facebook page with a post about my Bell's Palsy and it might be my last post. I wanted to save all my posts about it somewhere and thought this old blog might be a good place. Just in case I wanted to go back and relive it all one day. š³š„
October 30, 2017
The last 24 hours have been challenging, to say the least. I woke up Sunday morning feeling a bit weird, and figuring out that I have Bellās Palsy. I would not have known what was going on had it not been for a friend that had this many years ago.
It started Friday night. My neck and behind my ear was really sore and kept me up all night. I thought I just slept funny, was tired and a little stressed due to a busy weekend, so I ignored it. Then on Saturday, my lips were twitching a lot. Like they wouldnāt stop twitching, so much that it was a little alarming. Still, I ignored that. Saturday night my neck was hurting again and kept me up, and my tongue felt numb. I couldnāt sleep and when we got up in the morning, I saw my face. I knew what it was because of my friend having Bellās Palsy. The entire left side of my face does not work. I told Jon and we headed to the after hours clinic, who confirmed the diagnosis. This paralysis of the face can last 2 weeks up to 2 months. There is not much to do other than wait it out. It is very uncomfortable, my speech is a bit slurred, my left eye doesnāt blink so I have to put drops in every few hours, and I just look weird.
So, if you see me, donāt be surprised if I donāt make a huge attempt at conversation, and if you donāt see me, donāt be surprised because I will be leaving the house as little as possible. I feel very self-conscious, and hope this goes away soon!
November 5, 2017
It's been one week since I woke up with Bell's Palsy. It's also been one of the most challenging weeks of my life. I was very down and stayed very close to home. There has been no change in my symptoms yet, and I have been in quite a bit of pain the last few days in my neck and behind my ear. I did some yoga this morning and it helped with the pain tremendously. I am still praying these symptoms subside after this week (usually, on the short end, Bell's palsy lasts about 2 weeks) and I can get back to normal soon. My eyesight is bad and keeping drops in is a pain.
Thank you to all of my family and friends who have been checking in on me, praying for me, helping with my kids, and been encouraging! Hearing from y'all has definitely helped!
November 19, 2017
Today is 3 weeks since I woke up with Bellās palsy and what Iļø keep hearing is that I need patience to get through this. Iām trying, really, really hard, but it is so hard to just hang in there. I have so many friends and family praying for me and checking in with me and I soooooo appreciate it. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
We decided to get out of town and try to relax in nature, and itās helping! Camping with my little fam is one of my most favorite things to do!
I wish I had good things to say when people call and text, but I only can update telling everyone itās the same
š„. So keep up the prayers and positive thoughts coming my way if you can. I still need them
š.
November 29, 2017
š”. This time, she said, āGo see this person! You have Synkinesis and she can help you!ā I almost hugged my doctor when she told me this
š! Basically, synkinesis is the nerves growing back (the facial nerve died when I got Bells Palsy and is now growing back), but they are not working right. Which I knew, because my eye closes when I open my mouth, when I close my eyes, my cheek moves, and so on. It is just not all working together correctly. I didnāt what was going on, just that things are moving. I was sure she was going to say the same old ā āwaitā, but I am so excited to see will be another physical therapist to help muscles and nerves re-learn how to work together! Yay! I couldnāt get an appointment right away, but I will be starting soon. Send me those positive thoughts and prayers that this helps! Thank you!!
August 9, 2018
October 30, 2017
The last 24 hours have been challenging, to say the least. I woke up Sunday morning feeling a bit weird, and figuring out that I have Bellās Palsy. I would not have known what was going on had it not been for a friend that had this many years ago.
It started Friday night. My neck and behind my ear was really sore and kept me up all night. I thought I just slept funny, was tired and a little stressed due to a busy weekend, so I ignored it. Then on Saturday, my lips were twitching a lot. Like they wouldnāt stop twitching, so much that it was a little alarming. Still, I ignored that. Saturday night my neck was hurting again and kept me up, and my tongue felt numb. I couldnāt sleep and when we got up in the morning, I saw my face. I knew what it was because of my friend having Bellās Palsy. The entire left side of my face does not work. I told Jon and we headed to the after hours clinic, who confirmed the diagnosis. This paralysis of the face can last 2 weeks up to 2 months. There is not much to do other than wait it out. It is very uncomfortable, my speech is a bit slurred, my left eye doesnāt blink so I have to put drops in every few hours, and I just look weird.
So, if you see me, donāt be surprised if I donāt make a huge attempt at conversation, and if you donāt see me, donāt be surprised because I will be leaving the house as little as possible. I feel very self-conscious, and hope this goes away soon!
November 5, 2017
It's been one week since I woke up with Bell's Palsy. It's also been one of the most challenging weeks of my life. I was very down and stayed very close to home. There has been no change in my symptoms yet, and I have been in quite a bit of pain the last few days in my neck and behind my ear. I did some yoga this morning and it helped with the pain tremendously. I am still praying these symptoms subside after this week (usually, on the short end, Bell's palsy lasts about 2 weeks) and I can get back to normal soon. My eyesight is bad and keeping drops in is a pain.
Thank you to all of my family and friends who have been checking in on me, praying for me, helping with my kids, and been encouraging! Hearing from y'all has definitely helped!
November 19, 2017
Today is 3 weeks since I woke up with Bellās palsy and what Iļø keep hearing is that I need patience to get through this. Iām trying, really, really hard, but it is so hard to just hang in there. I have so many friends and family praying for me and checking in with me and I soooooo appreciate it. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
We decided to get out of town and try to relax in nature, and itās helping! Camping with my little fam is one of my most favorite things to do!
I wish I had good things to say when people call and text, but I only can update telling everyone itās the same
š„. So keep up the prayers and positive thoughts coming my way if you can. I still need themš.November 29, 2017
I've gotten a lot of calls and messages checking on me today. Thank you to all my friends that are keeping tabs on me and saying prayers. I still have Bell's Palsy, it was 4 weeks on Sunday. At this point, I feel like I am going to be like this forever. Statistically, that shouldn't happen - I guess I'm just on an extended plan. I'm not in any pain anymore, but it's been a mental and emotional roller coaster and the best thing for healing is minimal stress (I think my stress level has been at a maximum!). I'm praying and trying now to stay calm and just let it be. It's hard for me, and I've had several breakdowns, but I've got to keep my head up. All your friendly and encouraging comments and prayers help! Thank you! 
January 6, 2018
10 weeks. Tomorrow is 10 weeks that Iāve had Bellās Palsy. For something that affects such a small area of my body, it has had a maximum impact on me mentally. Being unable to control my face, show my expressions, show my emotions, is like nothing else. This is one of those things that you go through, you donāt know how youāll react or how youāll be, until you go through it. And it has affected every part of my life. I pray that no one I know will ever have to go through this.
If you donāt know what this is, from top to bottom, this is what Bellās palsy is for me. The left side of my face is paralyzed, like a straight line down the middle of my face. Not numb, but paralyzed. Obviously, I canāt raise my left eyebrow and to be honest, because of that, my skin looks great! No lines or wrinkles at all! But even that isnāt a real plus because itās only on one side. Then, my eye doesnāt blink. This is a real problem for people with Bellās palsy because a dry eye can really mess up your eyesight long term. My eyesight is pretty blurry, but Iām getting used to that. My left eye is my camera eye, so I have been super diligent about putting drops in my eye during the day. And since I canāt close that eye, sleeping is kind of a mess. I have to wear a heavy mask to sleep to keep my eye shut. It slides off when I turn over and my eye pops open. It sucks to not be able to close your eyes whenever you want. I have trouble washing my face and showering because of soap in my eyes! My mouth is the the very worst part since I canāt smile or show any real, accurate emotion. I hate that I canāt smile at my kids or my husband. Smiling, laughing, even crying, just doesnāt look right with half a face. Eating is challenging, but another thing Iāve had to get used to. Food gets stuck on the left side, so I have to mostly chew on the right side. Itās just annoying.
I keep getting asked āWhat does the doctor say?ā Well, the doctors (there have been several) say āWait.ā This is the hard part. Wrapping my brain around the fact that I canāt do anything. Thatās not to say I havenāt tried! I have tried EVERYTHING. Everything that has been suggested to me, I have tried. I am not sitting here patiently waiting, I am crawling out of my skin trying and trying and looking and researching and asking anyone I can. All of these things Iāve tried - acupuncture, physical therapy, chiropractor, essential oils, vitamins, LED light therapy - the only thing that I can really get anything out of is going to my therapist and talking this out. Talking about how and why this has affected me so much and how to keep my perspective and my outlook in check. Fear and the unknown is a powerful thing. I could have this for another week, or maybe 6 months. Possibly longer, but after 6 months the stats go down.
I have been getting out a little more, mostly out of necessity, but if you see me, know that I want to smile at you. I want to show you that I am happy to see you. But I canāt. I am uncomfortable trying to smile, I know I look a little jacked up. I donāt want to look or sound like a ādebbie downerā, itās just all I can do right now. When this is all over, I donāt think Iāll stop smiling for a very long time!
Thanks for all the calls and texts and messages. I appreciate everyone checking on me and saying prayers. They are still needed!
If you donāt know what this is, from top to bottom, this is what Bellās palsy is for me. The left side of my face is paralyzed, like a straight line down the middle of my face. Not numb, but paralyzed. Obviously, I canāt raise my left eyebrow and to be honest, because of that, my skin looks great! No lines or wrinkles at all! But even that isnāt a real plus because itās only on one side. Then, my eye doesnāt blink. This is a real problem for people with Bellās palsy because a dry eye can really mess up your eyesight long term. My eyesight is pretty blurry, but Iām getting used to that. My left eye is my camera eye, so I have been super diligent about putting drops in my eye during the day. And since I canāt close that eye, sleeping is kind of a mess. I have to wear a heavy mask to sleep to keep my eye shut. It slides off when I turn over and my eye pops open. It sucks to not be able to close your eyes whenever you want. I have trouble washing my face and showering because of soap in my eyes! My mouth is the the very worst part since I canāt smile or show any real, accurate emotion. I hate that I canāt smile at my kids or my husband. Smiling, laughing, even crying, just doesnāt look right with half a face. Eating is challenging, but another thing Iāve had to get used to. Food gets stuck on the left side, so I have to mostly chew on the right side. Itās just annoying.
I keep getting asked āWhat does the doctor say?ā Well, the doctors (there have been several) say āWait.ā This is the hard part. Wrapping my brain around the fact that I canāt do anything. Thatās not to say I havenāt tried! I have tried EVERYTHING. Everything that has been suggested to me, I have tried. I am not sitting here patiently waiting, I am crawling out of my skin trying and trying and looking and researching and asking anyone I can. All of these things Iāve tried - acupuncture, physical therapy, chiropractor, essential oils, vitamins, LED light therapy - the only thing that I can really get anything out of is going to my therapist and talking this out. Talking about how and why this has affected me so much and how to keep my perspective and my outlook in check. Fear and the unknown is a powerful thing. I could have this for another week, or maybe 6 months. Possibly longer, but after 6 months the stats go down.
I have been getting out a little more, mostly out of necessity, but if you see me, know that I want to smile at you. I want to show you that I am happy to see you. But I canāt. I am uncomfortable trying to smile, I know I look a little jacked up. I donāt want to look or sound like a ādebbie downerā, itās just all I can do right now. When this is all over, I donāt think Iāll stop smiling for a very long time!
Thanks for all the calls and texts and messages. I appreciate everyone checking on me and saying prayers. They are still needed!
January 7, 2018
So, after my post yesterday and the overwhelming support I feel from my Facebook friends, I want to clarify something important. While what I am going through really sucks and I totally hate it, my life is not threatened in any way by Bell's palsy. I know without a doubt, I will live through this. Even if I have to live like this forever, I will live. There are many people struggling with much more serious and scary health concerns and I am thankful that what I am going through just sucks. I'm thankful to have so many wonderful people praying for me and thankful for the knowledge that everything will be ok. Not all struggles come with that peace of mind and for that, I am lucky. Thank you Facebook friends for your love and support!
May 30, 2018
Bells Palsy update ā 7 months with BP. 7 long months. I do have some recovery, and 2 weeks ago I finally went to a doctorās appointment and got an answer! I have been told over and over again to āwaitāš”. This time, she said, āGo see this person! You have Synkinesis and she can help you!ā I almost hugged my doctor when she told me thisš! Basically, synkinesis is the nerves growing back (the facial nerve died when I got Bells Palsy and is now growing back), but they are not working right. Which I knew, because my eye closes when I open my mouth, when I close my eyes, my cheek moves, and so on. It is just not all working together correctly. I didnāt what was going on, just that things are moving. I was sure she was going to say the same old ā āwaitā, but I am so excited to see will be another physical therapist to help muscles and nerves re-learn how to work together! Yay! I couldnāt get an appointment right away, but I will be starting soon. Send me those positive thoughts and prayers that this helps! Thank you!!August 9, 2018
Yesterday, I asked my therapist how often he thinks the worst case scenario comes true. He just threw out a guess, but he said maybe 2% of the time, the worst actually comes true. I started my session with, "I am the 2%." For me, the worst case is permanence.
Iāve been wanting to share this, but haven't because itās so big and personal to me. When my Bells Palsy journey started over 9 months ago, I openly shared it knowing it was a temporary thing. I just wanted my friends and family to know why I wasnāt around and what was going on with me. I had no idea it would be something I would need to update about multiple times. Now that school is starting and Iām seeing friends that I havenāt seen in a few months, I think I need to update again.
Basically, my doctor says I donāt actually have bells palsy anymore, but the damage done by the virus is permanent. The facial nerves died with bells palsy and what has recovered, is not recovering correctly. The nerves and muscle connections have recovered some, but are crossed. Once that happens, you cannot uncross them. This is the synkinesis that I updated about last time. It has taken a while for this to set in for me, and to be truly honest, Iām devastated.
When you see me, you may not notice right away and you might think I look fine. And I do. When you look at me, I know I look ok and itās not that bad. You might think āwhat is she complaining about?" But the animation of my face is not good. Itās uncomfortable, Iām self-conscious every second of social interaction, and Iām just not completely āmeā. The fact that I canāt smile is the hardest part. I have tried and cried every time I have taken a picture and then looked at it. Itās weird to look at your own self in a photo and be like āthatās what it is?!?! Thatās what people see when I try to smile at them?!?ā I donāt look happy, which is usually what I am feeling when I want to take a picture with people. Because I am happy. Overall, life is great. I have a wonderful family (really wonderful and so incredibly supportive), and I have really great friends. My kids are well and happy, and that makes me happy.
But, at 39 years old, you donāt expect to have your face change and have no idea what people see. When I watch myself on a FaceTime or see myself in a photo, I am really sad and surprised to see what you see. This is why taking a picture with family or friends is stressful. I do not refuse to take pictures because of a bad hair day, a pimple, Iām vain, or because Iām 10 pounds up. Itās because I donāt look šlike I feelš. I canāt convey my emotions through my face. I donāt want to take a picture with my kids and look mad. I donāt want to look back on it and think I was miserable, or them think I was miserable, and know that I wasnāt.
š. I canāt convey my emotions through my face. I donāt want to take a picture with my kids and look mad. I donāt want to look back on it and think I was miserable, or them think I was miserable, and know that I wasnāt.
While the damage is permanent, I am working with a physical therapist to strengthen and retrain my face to work correctly. It will take months upon months, years probably. I hope to not look like I do today, forever, but I will be working on it constantly. What I want and pray for, is a smile
š. I now know and understand the devastating news that I will not get my old smile back. But that wonāt stop me from trying to get as close as I can. If any good can come of this, I can teach my kids to push on, right?
š. I now know and understand the devastating news that I will not get my old smile back. But that wonāt stop me from trying to get as close as I can. If any good can come of this, I can teach my kids to push on, right?
Thank you for the prayers said for me and concern you have shown me. I feel all the love!
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