Never Say Never…

I honestly never ever thought I would do this, but I have made the heart wrenching and difficult decision to be a SAHM (stay at home mom). I’ll be honest, it’s not just that I never thought I WOULD do this. It’s that I never thought I COULD.

When I had Marielle, maternity leave was the worst thing that I ever lived through. It wasn’t because Marielle was a difficult baby. It was because I was totally lost. Lost as to what I was supposed to be doing all day. I thought moms with new babies are always busy and running around crazy, but I didn’t find that at all. I thought that I should be entertaining her all day and I thought I would be needing to do stuff for her all day long. It really wasn’t like that. I was a little bored at times. I read to her and went on walk after walk after walk around the block, but it wasn’t the busy craziness that I thought it would be. I wondered endlessly and cried wondering “what do i do with this thing that is my baby???” She doesn’t talk to me, she doesn’t watch cartoons, she doesn’t even play!! There was nothing to entertain. What do I do with this 2 and 3 month old little blob. Really, when they are that little, they are little blobs that just sit there, they literally don’t do ANYTHING! So, I was extremely relieved to return to work and talk to people that talked back and really just hang out with other non-blobs. I brought Marielle to daycare everyday, and although it was hard to leave her, I could not deal with me and one little blob at home together all day long. I was really ok going to work everyday, and I really did make money so I thought it was worth it for me to work.

Which brings me to baby #2 – Aliza, the difficult baby. This time maternity leave was completely different and still not what I was expecting. I thought I had learned from maternity leave #1 and I now know that I don’t have do be singing and dancing to entertain the blob all day long. I thought, since we’ll have 2, there will be lots of housework and grocery shopping and stuff to keep my busy. Well, since Aliza cried my ENTIRE maternity leave, I didn’t really get to get caught up on housework or anything else. I was crazy trying to figure her out, and wondering what I did to God to make him want to give me this, not just blob, but a screaming blob – ALL DAY LONG. This time when I went back to work in January, I was glad to get away from the screaming. She was screaming less, but I was still kind of going crazy and needed to get out of the house.

I thought I would be making enough money to justify it, but I am really not. I don’t take home much money, and working to pay others to raise my babies doesn’t make sense. So yesterday morning, I went into my boss’s office and quit my job. I shed a few tears, but I know it is the right thing to do for my family. And she agreed. She, and my other co-workers, said they didn’t have the option when their kids were little. I am blessed to have the option. They know I am only thinking of my little girls and their upbringing.

I am going to stay working until the end of May when Marielle “graduates” from her 1 year old class. Then she will start pre-school in September 2 days a week. So from June until September – I am free as a bird!! Except for those 2 kids that I have to take care of EVERYDAY!! So, not quite free as a bird.

For now, I have play dates to get planning – and summer swim days maybe? Anybody interested – I have the pool??!!  Who wants to come play with these babies?

march 058 march 061

Comments

  1. Kasey I so love your honesty! More mothers need to hear what we all go through. I questioned the same thing with Callie. I wondered why God was putting me through this screaming child! Staying at home is difficult at times. But, I would not have it any other way. I feel so blessed. I am all about play dates this summer! Parks, pools, zoos, whatever we will make it through :)
    Love you,
    Stacy

    ReplyDelete
  2. Kasey,
    Congrats on making that difficult but amazing decision. I am not a stay at home mom but have a very flexible job. I am up for any and all types of play dates....espcially those that include cardio for the mommies....i.e....walking the neighborhood/LSU lakes. Also would love to bring maddie over for a swim party. Congrats again. You are the best!!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. You are so brave to just walk in and quit like that. That's not an easy thing to do!

    We are hoping to start swim lessons soon - and you know Vincent LOVES your pool - so we'll definitely be up for some fun in the sun this summer.

    I am so happy for you!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular Posts